Aléatoire; Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Regrets

Enough with that, and as you have been expecting, yes we did the deed that night. I didn't run away, I stayed and well, try to, like really try to do a good job. Ahem, anyway continuing on..

It was surreal to me, the feelings of our body heat and the passion overflowing from our hearts entwined together in the darkness of the night, without any prying eyes nor nagging mouth. It was exciting, tiring, exhilarating yet scary. A period of intense moment. Yes, you may cue Pillow Talk song by Zayn Malik (Or was it Malique?) now.

Truth be told, we didn't stop at just that night. You can say that on average, every night is a battlefield and paradise in my room. Her thirst for the love that we share every night is as endless as a bottomless chalice. It took me aback at first, shocked me if that's the right word for you, because I never knew this side of her. The way she looked at me during all those night is like a hungry lioness feasting on its long awaited and stalked prey.

The way she behaved was, wait a minute, I got carried away there. I did promised you that I wouldn't be telling you all of our “night activities”. Yes, I’m doing my best to avoid using the S word. Ashamed, yes. Being tactful, yes. Plus this story might get red flagged if I keep on using the adult innuendos and words no? So I have to be careful there.

But honestly, if you ever asked me whether I regret everything that I've done with Sophie, no I don't. I never do feel any regrets at all. I like being with her, I like spending and wasting my time with her, having our fights over trivial matters, laughing at even the tiniest matter that could even barely pass as a joke. If this isn't love, then I don't know what it is.

But I was stupid and scared of the foreboding feelings that I felt constantly every time we had our fun in the night. I kept on telling myself that its nothing, trying to convince that it's not love or I should stop this whole thing before it gone awry. But I didn't because I couldn't stop myself from everything that we've done. Still don't get it? Okay, imagine this. Your religion told you to not do this one thing which it deems as heinous or extremely wicked, let us for example say that this one thing is swearing. Still with me? Good, okay now so let's say that you accidentally used those words, it felt good at first, but then it dawned on you that its a heinous act to do by your religion so this extremely bad feeling came, now mix it with a lil bit of fear and voila! You feel the same way as I do.

Will you stop swearing once you've started it? Hell no for some of you because you crave for that sweet and fun feeling. It's like you're addicted to it and you know its wrong to keep on swearing but you still do it anyway. So yeah, that's what we've been doing for the next 2 years. Now I imagine that you've noticed that I used the word 'we' in the prior paragraph. That's because I found out Sophie too felt the same way as I did but just like me, she couldn't stop herself from that fun that we have. We are not sure if this thing that we have is a thing that we want to have for the rest of our life so we decided to push it to the farthest of our mind and just indulge in the now.

Honestly, in my opinion, that was a decision that I will forever regret in my whole life.