Aléatoire; Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Regrets

"This has to stop"

It finally came, the ultimatum to our never-ending & confusing relationship. I've been dreading it for almost a year now after I've sensed that we're having some kind of discord in our relationship but it’s not hers or my fault. It’s what we're doing that lead to this conclusion.

"What we're doing right now, whatever we're feeling right now. This has to stop. It’s too confusing for me."

"Sophie, stop it. I thought we've discussed about this a lot of times"

I know this plead isn't going to work. We've discussed about this and even had a few fights about this too. Honestly, I didn't think that this relationship of ours would last long but it did, for a year even. That's when we both started to notice something was amiss in this relationship of ours.

We're both lovers but at the same time we're not. We live in the same apartment, sleep on the same bed but at the same time we're not. We laugh together but that's just to hide the discomfort and the fear we both feel inside. It’s scary, to both of us.

I know we've never felt this both in our life. I mean, look at it, we started as just friends in high school. Fooled around for fun, just to mess up with Khalil, that snobbish Arabian guy that had a huge crush on Sophie and who thinks that people flock to him because of him and not because his family is a business magnate. We hang out together since we don't really prefer to go out in large numbers, not to say that we're both unsociable but sometimes both of us prefer to be alone or to follow our own whims instead of a group. It was fun & enjoyable until well, that Christmas 2 years ago.

We both had exchanged our presents to our family and friends. It’s nice to see them happy you know, smiling and everything despite our troublesome (Are we really that troublesome? I wonder) nature, we won’t forget those who stayed in our life. We spent a lot to buy all those gifts for all of them, it’s a small price to pay when you have all these amazing people that always surrounds you and brighten up your life.

Fast forwarding from all of those celebration, it was already very late in the night when we decided to head back home. Sophie decided to crash at my apartment, I don't really mind though nor do our families. Why do I say this? Well both our families are a bit traditional and you know how they go, purity, abstinence and shit. But once, we're both working adults, they don't really pay mind. They leave it to us to think & decide for ourselves. Weird eh?

  

I brewed us some coffee and pull out any snacks that I could find in my kitchen cupboard. Hell, I'm lazy to even store all these groceries properly but that doesn't mean that I don't take care of my house cleanliness! Anyway, it started when we're both began to get drunk in the atmosphere and how we began to curse that we forgot to buy ourselves presents and exchange it to each other until she voiced out that idea of hers.

"Hey, Lou, I think I do have something to give you. Heck I think..." ,she paused for a while before continuing her words probably because she wanted to give her words a bit of a dramatic effect, "... that we both have something to give to each other."

 At that time, I could see in her eyes that she's thought of something but the way she looks at me, the way her eyes move, scanning myself from head to toe before it rests on one place is honestly giving me some strange vibes. Heck where the hell is she looking? Looking at her playful face, I was pretty confident its something that will lead to my own loss but instead of replying with some stupid reply as usual, I asked her seriously.

"Really? What can I give you?"

"Well, seeing we're both here, in your apartment, and that bed of yours looks inviting. Why don't we..."

"What? Sleep together? Don't make me laugh, we'll be hounded by our families if we do that"

I know what she was suggesting before she even finished her sentences, I gave her a moralistic-ky-ish answers although the irony is what we're doing right now is in a sense immoral according to religion but, meh.

"Chickening out? Come on, I know how you've been eyeing me all these times. I even know how you tried to take a peek on me when I was bathing last time"

Oh shit. She noticed that. Fuck, I know I shouldn't done that but fuck, I'm a healthy single male and had been holding myself back due to my overbearing work and there is no in any fucking way that I'm going to let go of that perfect chance at that time (Looking back, its really embarrassing). Real-time show bro, wait.

"Wait, you noticed that? How?"

"Silly, it’s just you and me at that time and my panties magically moved from the basket to the hanger? Duh, it was dead giveaway and I'm not that dense like you."

Well, that explains how she noticed but I don't understand why she just let it slide.

 "And now you're thinking why I let it slide. Well, I was expecting you to do that anyway"

Busted, even before I made the first move. What is this feeling of defeat? I feel like a fool for being extra cautious that day, if I knew she's going to let me do this, I'd rather go all th-

Wait a fucking extra minute. If she did all of that then…

"Sophie, were you expecting me to... uhh you know?"

"You coming into the shower and do the deed? Yeah, come on, you and I both are adults and we're damn interested in sex and that we're both well, virgins."

Ah, she said it while blushing at the same time. Damn it, stop giving me those kind of look else my reasoning will stop functioning and don't even say that if you're going to be embarrassed by it. As I thought that, she takes off her shirt and unbuttons her jeans leaving only herself in her black underwear's. Holy God, that perky mountai-

Wait, what the hell am I thinking?!

I tried to shake my thoughts off from it and tried to stop her but the reasoning finally crumbled apart when she took the first initiative. That kiss and the touch of her skin is enough to cause substantial damage to my sanity.

What? Are you laughing at me now? I was inexperienced! So don't expect me to be able to think or give the right reaction, sheesh. Don’t worry I am not going to walk you through every inch of our first time experience, no sir. It’s better to keep them, private.